


Enough

by winterisakiller (sparkinside)



Category: British Actor RPF, Tom Hiddleston - Fandom
Genre: AU, F/M, Realistic Fluff, slight angst, tumblr challenge piece
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-14
Updated: 2019-11-14
Packaged: 2021-01-30 15:31:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21430516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sparkinside/pseuds/winterisakiller
Summary: Sadie was everything Tom had always wanted; she was brilliant, funny, well read and, in his opinion, one of the most beautiful people he’d ever known. She held his attention like no one else in recent memory had. The only problem? She already belonged to someone else…
Relationships: Tom Hiddleston/Original Female Character(s), Tom Hiddleston/Sadie Collins (OFC)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 36





	Enough

[ ](https://ibb.co/whfL4C3)

“All I wanted was a happy ending. Was that too much to ask for?” 

The words fell softly from her trembling lips. She kept herself apart from him, hands wrapped protectively over her chest. Tom could see the shine of unshed tears in her eyes and felt his gut clench. Pain radiated off of her in waves and in that moment there was nothing Tom wanted more than to take away her pain. To fix everything. To see her smile again. Just once more. 

Tom had always loved her smile; the way it lit her face and warmed any and everything around her. It had been one of the first things that had captured his attention nearly a year and a half before. He’d been dragged to yet another party (a way for him to meet people his manager assured him would benefit his career) and had found himself caught in another boring conversation when he’d allowed his gaze to wander around the room. She’d been standing near a bookcase, talking with a woman he’d recognized but couldn’t place. She’d been smiling and laughing at whatever her companion had said and Tom found himself unable to look away. 

It had taken nearly fifteen minutes to work his way through to the room to reach her. He’d been stopped several times both by various actors he’d worked with in the past and by industry people who were interested in picking his brain regarding upcoming projects (had he ever considered this or that idea or was he looking forward to working with this actor/actress or this director). Tom has done his best to talk with them all (wouldn’t Luke and Michael be proud to see their continuing lectures on marketing oneself paying off), keeping a weathered eye on where she’d stood. The last thing he wanted was to risk losing sight of her and have her disappear right under his nose. Not when was so close. 

Tom smiled as he finally extracted himself from conversation with a fellow RADA graduate he’d not seen in years but had gotten on with fairly well, wishing the man luck in his next endeavor; a period piece set to air on the BBC the following spring. Tom stole a quick glance toward the bookcase and was grateful to find her still there. Though her conversational partner had changed. 

She was quite short, he’d noted. Shorter than he’d first thought. Her light brown hair was pulled back into a bun at the base of her skull, leaving the smooth skin of her neck and shoulders bare to his gaze. She’d dressed simply in a tea length dark blue dress. Nothing quite as flashy as he’d found to be common place at such gatherings but something that seemed to suit her perfectly. 

“Excuse me,” he started, moving the last few feet towards her. Tom was exceedingly grateful to find her on her own; the companion he’d seen her with a few moments earlier had disappeared. “I don’t mean to be forward but I realize we’ve not been introduced and I wanted to remedy that. I’m Tom Hiddleston.” 

He extended his hand toward her and felt a jolt of  _ something  _ when she took it gently in her own. Her hand was soft and warm. So small compared to his own. 

“Sadie Collins. Very nice to meet you, Tom.”

And just as easily as that, Tom found himself completely lost. 

They spent the rest of the evening simply talking. He’d learned she was a script editor for the BBC (she’d studied literature and film at Uni and had been lucky enough to catch the right person’s eye shortly after graduating) and had grown up not too far, incidentally, from where he himself had lived as a young boy. She was an only child and found his stories about his trials and tribulations as the middle child between two very different sisters hysterical. Sadie loved dogs (and cats and most mammals if she was being completely honest) and they talked at length about their mutual desire to own a dog of some sort once their lives were more settled. He talked about his recent experiences filming in the states and his upcoming projects. She talked about the latest show she’d been working on. Tom couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt so utterly at ease around another person. 

It wasn’t until Sadie mentioned the trip she’d taken a few months prior (a surprise anniversary gift from her boyfriend of two and a half years) that Tom felt the cloud he’d been standing on disappear. Of course she wasn’t single. Why would she be? She was a fascinating, brilliant, and charming woman. Any man would be out of their mind to let her get away. He silenced that small voice in his head roaring its displeasure.  _ You can’t win them all, Hiddleston _ . 

“Greece is absolutely lovely.” He’d found himself answering, hoping his smile hadn’t faltered. “Where exactly did you end up staying?”

She gushed about the tiny villa they’d stayed in and the days they’d spent exploring. Her boyfriend worked as a researcher for one of the university’s she’d liaised with through the BBC. They shared a love of exploring and history and it was abundantly clear to Tom she adored him. The way her face lit up as she talked about the history and the culture she’d immersed herself in during her trip was absolutely breathtaking. 

He’d thrown out his own opinions and experiences and soon felt the disappointment in him tamper down. She might be taken but that didn’t mean the end of the world. Besides, with the way his career was shaping up, any sort of romantic relationship would unfortunately be forced onto the back burner. He simply wouldn’t have time to dedicate to building a meaningful  _ something  _ with another person. 

That, in part, was why his last relationship had fallen apart. He had hardly been home in the last eight months and his ex couldn’t handle that. Especially knowing that it wasn’t (and couldn’t be) a one off thing. If he wanted to actually work in this industry, wanted to truly make a go of it, he had to keep himself out there and take any and every opportunity he could. So she’d handed him back her key to his flat, kissed him on the cheek and left. It had hurt, losing what he’d hoped would be a solid source of love and normalcy in the chaos he knew his life was diving into, but he’d understood. So he’d let her go. 

“My god, it’s nearly midnight.” Sadie exclaimed, glancing at the watch on her wrist in disbelief. “I can’t believe it. I hadn’t planned on staying so late.”

Tom blinked in surprise. “Is it really?” He could have sworn it was much, much earlier. Surely they couldn’t have talked for hours. He let out a soft chuckle. “I guess it’s like they say, time flies when you’re having fun.” The words were lame and he’d known it but they’d left his mouth before he’d really processed them and there wasn’t anything he could do about it now. 

Sadie laughed softly and shrugged. “I guess so. But that being said, I best be off. It was wonderful meeting you, Tom. I hope to do so again in future.”

He offered a small smile, ignoring the small jolt in his gut at the thought of her leaving. “I hope so as well.”

With a wave and a smile she was gone. 

—

Tom had done his utmost to put that night behind him (and any lingering hope of what could have been had so many things been different), throwing himself in the maelstrom that his life was becoming. It was more difficult than he’d bargained for though. Sadie would creep into his thoughts seemingly at random throughout the day; he’d find himself studying lines and wondering what she was doing, sitting in a make-up chair and remembering the way her hazel eyes sparkled when she laughed, trying to squeeze in his daily run and replaying the stories she told him. It was utterly ridiculous. And there was little he could do to stop it. 

If any noticed his distracted behavior, they had the good grace to never mention it. And that, Tom felt, was both a blessing and a curse. It meant maybe this…whatever it was…hadn’t been affecting his working life nearly as badly as he feared. It also meant that no one was there to really snap him out of it, save himself. And he managed, well enough. Jumping from project to project to promotion helped. Half the time he was too exhausted to do more than fall into whatever hotel bed he’d been assigned for the night, sleeping like the dead until he was roused by Luke or whatever poor sod was sent in his place. It wasn’t a maintainable pace by any stretch of the imagination, but he was young enough still and didn’t want to risk missing a single opportunity while he had the chance. 

He spoke as often as he could with his mum and sisters, clinging to that small piece of normalcy and comfort they provided. He endured his mother’s quite vocal concern that he was burning the candle at both ends and could easily burn himself out in the process with as much grace as he was able. She’d had a point, of that he was most certainly aware. But, he’d assured her, this was only temporary. He would slow down as soon as he could. He told her that he knew his limits and he respected them. It was clear she didn’t quite believe him but she didn’t fight him on the matter. Not too much, anyway.

When he’d finally made it back home (he’d scored a brief two weeks completely free between projects and dear god it was desperately needed), Tom had all but cried in relief. It was wonderful being in his own space, to be able to see his friends and family. He’d filled a great deal of his time trying to squeeze in seeing everyone he could, something his mother chastised him for during the afternoon he’d taken to drive up to Suffolk to see her. “Not that I am not grateful to see you, darling. I just worry you’re doing too much. This is your rest time. You should actually try to spend it doing just that.” The time he didn’t spend sleeping or with friends and family was spent trying to finish all those little tasks that seemed to slip to the wayside. 

He’d been out, finishing a quick round of shopping (yes, he could have people do it for him, and yes, it would make his life infinitely easier, but he’d needed the chance to feel as normal and grounded as possible) when he found himself staring at a very familiar face. He’d all but collided with her in his hurry to get out of the shop and on his way back home. 

She stared up at him in bewildered annoyance before a spark of recognition flashed in her hazel eyes. The same eyes he’d seen all too often when he’d closed his eyes at night. Not that he would ever tell her so. 

“Tom!” Sadie exclaimed, happily; her smile wide and bright. She moved, resettling the reusable shopping bag farther back on her shoulder. “How have you been?”

He returned her smile with a genuine one of his own. “Sadie, it’s wonderful to see you. I’ve been well. Busy but well. How are you?”

“Busy as well,” she answered with a laugh. “Though granted not quite as busy as you’ve seemed to be.”

Tom rubbed the back of his neck with his free hand. “Yeah. It’s been a bit…”

“Insane?” She offered. 

He laughed and nodded. “That would certainly be one way of putting it.” He adjusted the bag in his hand, consciously aware of the fact that he needed to get his perishable items home relatively soon. But doing so would mean leaving Sadie and leaving now was something he knew he absolutely did not want to do. “Things still going well at the Beeb?”

Sadie laughed and nodded, “Very well. I’ve got two series getting ready for production in the next few months which is exciting and terrifying all at once.”

“I can imagine.”

The glint of light off her hand as she brushed a stray lock of hair from her face caught his eye. 

Her  _ left _ hand. 

Tom felt his gut clench as his eyes focused on her hand and the ring that rested on her finger. It was a lovely piece of jewelry, he had to admit. A thing gold band with a rather large diamond (he didn’t know enough about diamonds to guess its value other than it must have been worth quite a fair amount of money). 

She was engaged. When had that happened? He’d known she was seeing someone (and had been for a while) but an engagement meant the relationship was serious. The small bit of hope he’d stubbornly clung to crumbled in that moment and he cursed himself for ever even entertaining the idea of having any sort of chance with her in the first place. She wasn’t his to claim. In reality he’d only known her a few handful of hours. How that could ever translate into anything more…Especially not with regards to the madness that was his life at the moment. 

He cleared his throat and nodded softly towards her hand. “I see congratulations are in order.”

She looked at him in confusion for a few moments before her face cleared and she smiled brightly. “Thank you. It’s been about a month now and I’m still trying to wrap my head round it.” He watched as she unconsciously looked down at the ring on her hand before raising her eyes back to his. 

Tom returned her smile (though the action felt strained). She seemed so happy though, and he couldn’t let himself do anything to jeopardize that. “Understandable. Have you set a date yet?” 

Sadie shook her head. “Not formally, no. But we’ve been thinking sometime late next year or early the year after at the latest. Nothing over the top, though. Something small, intimate. Just us and family.”

He nodded, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. “Sounds wonderful.” And he’d meant it. Silence fell between them and they stood, watching one another for several minutes before Tom cleared his throat. “I…I need to get this shopping home. It’s been wonderful seeing you again, Sadie. I hope I will get to do so again in future.”

“Well if you ever find yourself on a BBC production…” Sadie let the words hang between them, brushing a lock of hair behind her ear. 

Tom smiled warmly at her. “If I do, I will certainly look you up.”

She stepped to the side to let him pass, raising her hand and offering a quick wave. He nodded his head towards her, taking her in one last time before hurrying off down the busy pavements towards home. 

—

Two days later found Tom sitting across from his agent, script in hand. It was still technically his holiday (he had two more days of freedom before delving back into the chaos of another long shoot) and when Michael called that morning his first instinct had been to switch the bloody device off and to let the man hang. But his damned curiosity had gotten the better of him. 

He’d been sitting, nursing his coffee and reading through the newspaper before him when his mobile rang; Michael’s number scrolling across the screen. Tom groaned aloud, disgruntled at his peace being disrupted and curious as to what was so urgent that his agent couldn’t wait another few days. A part, it seemed. And one he’d fully believed Tom would jump at. 

So far Michael had been correct. He’d only gotten through the first few pages but he was already hooked. He also didn’t miss that it was a modern take on a very familiar Shakespearian play. Tom sighed, knowing full well he had a type and just how well those around him seemed to know it. Still, judging by the length of the script and the bare details Michael had given him, the project appeared to be a lengthy one and Tom wasn’t sure how his schedule, as packed as it was rapidly becoming, was going to be able to fit this in. He was getting up there in recognition (something he still couldn’t quite wrap his head around) but he didn’t quite think he had the clout to entertain the idea of getting this project to work around  _ his  _ schedule and not that of its producers. 

“Well?” Michael sat across from him, hands folded on the desk top, eyes intent. 

“It’s quite good…Very good, if I’m being honest…”

“Then why am I sensing a bit of hesitation?”

Tom scrubbed a hand over his face. He’d forgone shaving during his break and therefore had the makings of a fairly decent beard. It had itched something fierce coming in but he’d found it rather comforting now, mainly for the bit of anonymity it brought him. People who spotted him on the street still stared but now couldn’t quite seem to place him. It was wonderfully freeing to wander down the streets of central London left more or less to his own devices. 

“I just…You know how packed my schedule is.” He paused, picking up the script and held it up towards Michael. “I love this, and you knew that I would, but how can I possibly fit this in…I’m booked very nearly solid for the next several months.”

Michael nodded. “Fair point, Tom. But they want you and they are willing to work with your schedule if that means getting you.”

“Seriously?” It didn’t make any sort of sense. Yes, he was doing rather well for himself, but there was a staggering difference between that and having a production company point blank that they were willing to work around  _ your _ availability. 

“Seriously.” Michael leant over the desk, smiling at his client. “So shall I ring them and say you’re in?”

Tom blinked, letting the idea slowly sink in. It was a fantastic part and he very much wanted the ability to work with it. After several moments he nodded. “Yes, please.”

—

Tom settled himself at the table set up for the day’s read-through. He’d made small talk with a few of the actors and the show’s director as they waited for everyone to trickle in. Catching up with familiar faces and introducing himself to those he’d not had the pleasure of knowing. For the last several months he (and Michael and Luke) had been in constant contact with the show’s producers, trying to nail time availability and start planning concrete rehearsal and filming schedules. It was grueling and the stress might certainly have done him in had he not been so excited to start. 

Murmured conversations echoed all around him as he grabbed a water bottle that had been left at his place and twisted its cap off. A quick glance at his watch told him they had maybe five minutes before things were set to start. He glanced around the room, taking in a few familiar faces as the writing team settled into their respective places. At two minutes to the hour the door opened once more. Out of habit more than anything, Tom glanced up and felt everything around him freeze. 

With her hair piled high on her head and a warm, royal blue cardigan wrapped around her shoulders, Sadie slipped into the room smiling warmly at various faces she recognized. He hadn’t he faintest idea she was at all involved in the project and felt idiotic for not realizing it sooner. She was a script editor for the BBC and had worked on similar projects (he was willing to admit, if only to himself, that he had looked up her work history online after their initial meeting; his innate curiosity winning out over his sense of propriety). It would make complete and total sense that she’d be involved in this.

It wasn’t until she’d settled between the director and the head writer that Sadie seemed to take note of him. The smile that had spread across her face was bright and Tom swore he could feel the warmth radiating from it. She mouthed a quick ‘hello’ which he returned in kind with a wide smile of his own. There was a brief flurry of introduction before they set to work on the first proper table read. They flew through the first few pages with ease, pausing occasionally to play with wording or with the timing of a pause or start of a line. 

Tom had always enjoyed this process of a new production; getting to build off of his fellow actors and see the raw form of the story they were telling start to take shape. There were several kinks still to work out, as there tended to be this early in the game. Odd phrasings or scene placements that didn’t quite fit. Nothing they wouldn’t eventually sort out one way or another. 

Out of the corner of his eye, Tom could see Sadie scribbling furiously away on her copy of the script, occasionally breaking to share an aside with the writer. He smiled at the obvious dedication she had for her work. It was yet another piece of the puzzle that was her and he was eager to learn all that he could. He did his utmost best to focus on the pages before him. The last thing he wanted was to be the one holding up their progress through the script. They made it through the next several pages before breaking for lunch. 

Several people attempted to engage him in conversation and he’d done his best to remain polite while trying to slip through the throng and catch Sadie before she had a chance to disappear. True, she would most likely be back after lunch, he’d known that, but it hadn’t stopped the  _ need _ to talk with her. By the time he’d extricated himself from the rehearsal room, Sadie was nowhere to be found. He cursed his own innate sense of politeness and headed through the hallway, hoping she’d not gone too far. 

He caught up with her at the coffee cart in the lobby of the building. She was in the middle of her order, absently reaching into her purse for her wallet. Without thinking, he pulled his from his back pocket and took out a crumpled twenty pound note, handing it over to the woman running the cart. “A pour over as well, love,” he added. The fleeting worry that perhaps he’d overstepped his bounds hit him as soon as the words left his lips.  _ Gods above, I sound like a complete arse _ .

Bewildered, Sadie turned around. Her confusion quickly melted into surprised amusement. “Tom?”

“Sadie.” He took the change handed back to him, dropping a few of the pound coins into the tip jar. “Sorry, I know I am intruding, I just…It’s wonderful to see you.”

“It’s nice to see you as well Tom.” She took the coffees, handing Tom his steaming mug, before turning back and grabbing the sandwich she’d ordered. “You didn’t have to buy my lunch though. I may not be rolling in coin like someone I know,” she shot him a knowing look, “but I can afford a coffee and a sandwich.”

Tom winced. God, he  _ had _ overstepped.

Sadie tossed back her head and laughed. “Jesus, Tom, I was just messing with you. I’m not at all upset that a rather well off film star felt the need to buy me lunch.” She reached up and patted him lightly on the arm. Tom felt the familiar surge of electricity in her touch. “…Honestly, though, thank you. You really didn’t have to.”

A wave of relief flooded through him (the absolute last thing he’d wanted was to turn her off by acting like a prat) and he offered a small, but cheeky smile. “You can spot me next time then.”

She quirked an eyebrow. “You seem so certain there’ll be a next time.” 

“Hopeful is more accurate,” he answered with a small shrug. “I figure I will be seeing a lot of you on this project, with your job and mine being what they are, and a friendly face is always a welcome sight on shoots.” He rubbed the back of his neck with his free hand, knowing he was letting his mouth run away with him once again. He was forever being lectured about it from both Michael and Luke (“My God, Tom, for once can you think before you open your mouth?”); what could be endearing also tended to be a logistical and PR nightmare in certain situations.

“Fair point,” she conceded, smiling as she shook her head. “But keep in mind, next time  _ I _ am paying, Hiddleston.”

“Dully noted.”

—

As table reads turned into rehearsals and then into actual filming, Tom found himself lost once more in the insanity that was his chosen career. He was grateful for the lack of heavy, often stifling period costume. As fun as it could be to play dress up (his inner four year-old still giggled in delight that he was actually paid to do this), running around in several layers of leather and the like was not something he particularly enjoyed. 

The modern setting of this particular story meant a much shorter jaunt in make-up and wardrobe and in a much freer feeling of movement. Alice, his costar, had been in full agreement. “Corsets are bloody murder,” she’d told him as they waited for the scene to be set on the first few days of filming. “They may look pretty but fuck if you have any real ability to move.”

Sadie had been on set most days over the last several months, running back and forth with updated copies of scripts and talking with the director and cast as needed. And Tom had done his best to try to pick her brain whenever she saw her on set. They’d taken to making coffee runs and, when they could, quick lunches (mostly whatever they could nick from the catering tents) and endless, endless talking. Sadie, he quickly found, was one of the easiest people to talk to. She was brilliant and quick on her feet and willing to match him word for word in whatever debate they ended up in. It was easy for Tom to forget he hadn’t known her forever, that they hadn’t been friends for ages. 

In a way her engagement (it still tugged at his heart to think the word and of just what it meant) had been a blessing in disguise. Tom had wanted her from the moment they’d met (there was no point in denying it to himself anymore) and had she been free and he’d made a move….would he be sitting here now, across from her talking about the latest books they’d read (she tended to lead him in that category as his life had been far too chaotic to allow him time to truly lose himself in a book that wasn’t work related). Or would it have burnt out just as quickly as it started and have left him never knowing just how amazing a person she truly was. It didn’t bear thinking. And honestly what good would thinking about all the ‘what ifs’ and ‘what fors’ do him? Things were as they were and he couldn’t change them even had he wanted to. He accepted it, was grateful for the small pieces he was able to have. The warmth of her friendship was worth any lingering want. 

—

“What are you doing for the holidays?” Sadie asked, bringing her takeaway coffee cup to her lips and blowing softly before taking a cautious sip. It was a week before filming was set to break for the winter holidays. She and Tom taken to hiding in his makeshift trailer between takes most days that week as they’d been finishing most of the exterior scenes. 

It had been an absolutely blustery day and despite the fact they’d broken for lunch nearly twenty minutes before, Tom still felt half frozen. He’d kept the parka he’d been given by the wardrobe department on and cranked the tiny space heater he’d found in his trailer as high as he’d dared, and still he was shivering intermittently. His only saving grace was the idea that after today the majority of the exterior shots would be complete.  _ And thank god for that _ .

Tom chuckled and rubbed his hands up and down the insides of crossed arms, hoping a bit of friction would stop the shivering. “My eldest sister and her husband are flying in from India. We’re all heading up to my mum’s for Christmas. I haven’t had a Christmas at home in the last few years, with my life being what it’s been, and I am so, so glad I’m able to this year.” He paused and took a sip of his own coffee, wincing as it burned his mouth and throat. “And you?”

She smiled warmly at him. “Andy and I are heading up to Edinburgh to visit his family.”

“Very nice.” Tom paused and took another sip of his coffee. “When are you heading up?”

Sadie placed her cup beside her on the trailer floor. The small table beside her had been taken over by pages of script and other various bits and bobs Tom had collected in the past few weeks of filming and was virtually unusable as a table. “Friday afternoon. He’s got a late class at the university and we’re heading up after.” 

Tom nodded in understanding. “I’m heading to mum’s Saturday morning. My scenes should be wrapped up by then and I’m hoping if I leave early enough I can beat a fair bit of the traffic.”

“Good luck with that,” Sadie laughed, shaking her head. “We’re taking the train.” She laughed at the face Tom made. “Yes, I know it’ll be crowded but it’s infinitely easier than driving the whole way. Andy’s brother is set to collect us from the station and take us to his parents.”

A knock sounded on the trailer door followed by the familiar voice of Hanna, one of the PA’s on set. “Five minutes, Tom!” 

“Alright!” he called back, glancing instinctively towards the door. He turned his attention back to Sadie and felt the familiar pool of disappointment in his gut as she smiled at him and pushed herself to her feet. 

He watched as she gathered her bag and her nearly empty coffee cup and headed towards the trailer door. “I’ll let you get back to work. If I don’t see you before we break, happy Christmas Tom.”

“Happy Christmas.” He took two steps towards her and pulled her into a quick hug. “Take care of yourself alright?”

“Always.” She shrugged into her coat and slipped out into the windy afternoon.

Tom sighed as he heard the door click closed behind her. He settled himself onto the narrow and far too short couch and closed his eyes, wanting to enjoy his last few moments of warmth before having to surrender himself to the mercy of the bitter cold. He had just managed to get warm enough to doze off when another knock sounded on the door. With a groan, Tom flipped off the space heater and headed out of the trailer, following Hanna back towards set. 

—

Tom settled himself onto the couch the following Friday evening, a cup of hot chocolate in one hand, and sighed. His bag was packed and waiting by the door in the front hall. Part of him had been tempted to say ‘fuck it’ and drive up that night, but the sudden hit of his own exhaustion steadied his hand. The absolute last thing he’d wanted was to end up wrapping his car around a tree because he’d nodded off at the wheel. Best to try to call it an early night and leave first thing in the morning like he’d originally planned. 

He took a small sip of the steaming chocolate and let its warmth flood through him. He bent forward, grabbing the remote for the television he hardly ever used and turned it on. Several journeys through the channels later he settled on a Christmas special for one of the newer BBC dramas. He hadn’t a clue what was happening in the program but the background noise was a lovely distraction to the silence of the house. 

Tom had just about dozed off when a buzz sounded from the front hall. He sat up, blinking fuzzily as his brain tried to place the noise and its meaning.  _ The front gate. Right _ . He pushed himself to his feet, placing the now empty mug on the edge of the table, and stumbled towards the hall and the gate security panel. He pressed the button which cued up the camera and blinked for several seconds as his brain attempted to process just why Sadie was standing at his front gate. Shouldn’t she be on a train to Edinburgh?

Knowing none of his questions could possibly be answered by simply standing there like a dolt, he pressed the intercom button and waved her in. A few moments later her hesitant knock came on his front door. Tom pulled it open quickly and found her shuffling from foot to foot, a lost look in her eyes. “Sadie, darling, are you alright?”

She took a deep breath and shook her head. “Can…Can I come in?”

“Of course,” he assured her. “Of course you can.” He stepped quickly aside and allowed her to slip quietly past him and into the hall. “Would you like a cup of tea? Coffee? I’ve hot chocolate if you’d rather?”

She flashed him a small smile which didn’t quite reach her eyes. “Tea would be lovely.”

He ushered her into the living room before darting into the kitchen and setting the kettle to boil. He pulled a tin of Earl Grey and a mug from the cabinet and placed them both on the counter near the kettle. Once the kettle boiled, he set to brewing the tea. He padded towards the fridge, pulling out a carton of milk and adding a splash to the steaming amber liquid. He carried the mug back into the living room and offered it to her without a word. 

Sadie took it with a soft murmur of thanks and held in between her hands. She’d settled on the couch, shoes on the floor and her legs curled beneath her. He settled himself into the arm chair opposite. 

After several minutes of silence, Tom leant forward resting his elbows on his knees. “What’s happened?”

Sadie took a deep breath, her fingers curled around the mug. “I’m sorry for just showing up here…I just…I was walking and I looked up and I was here…I know you’ve probably got things you need to be doing. I’m sorry…” She pushed herself to her feet and placed the undrunk tea onto the table. “I should leave you be.”

“Don’t,” Tom started, jumping to his feet. “Please, somethings obviously wrong. Sadie, you are my friend. You came to me. Please let me help if I can.”

She nodded and sat back down on the couch, wrapping her arms around her middle. It was several minutes before she spoke again. “He left.”

Tom blinked in confusion. “Who left? Andy? You mean he left for Edinburgh without you? Why?”

Sadie shook her head. “No…Well yes, he did leave for Edinburgh. But no, he’s left me. He was gone when I got back to the flat this evening. I called, thinking maybe I’d gotten the times wrong. And he…” She paused and took a deep breath before carrying on, her voice cracking slightly as she did so. “He said he can’t do this anymore…That he’s been thinking about it for a while now. Told me he’s not ready for this kind of commitment; that he hadn’t been sure when he proposed but went on with it anyway…He said he was so sorry but he couldn’t keep going on with this, with us. God, Tom, he just…Four fucking years and he just…”

“Oh Sadie.”

She blinked up at him with glassy eyes. “All I wanted was a happy ending. Was that too much to ask for?”

He took Sadie’s cold hands into his own, rubbing them; hoping to infuse some of his warmth into her. She offered him a tremulous smile and he felt his heart break at the sight. “I’ve got you,” he whispered, squeezing her hands gently. It wasn’t all he’d wanted to say. Not even close. But he couldn’t see any way of saying what he wanted desperately to say that wouldn’t frighten or overwhelm her. And scaring her was the absolute last thing he wanted to do.

“I just…Why wasn’t I enough?” The words were whispered, clearly not intended for his ears. But he heard them all the same. 

Tom wasn’t a violent person by nature but  _ Christ _ , he wanted nothing more than to rip the asshole who’d broken her heart to shreds. To tear him limb from limb for the audacity to be so careless with such a wonderful, loving heart. To string Sadie along, make her promises, build a life with her, and then rip all away because he ‘wasn’t ready’. 

The rational part of his brain knew it was better that Andy had ended it before he and Sadie actually married. That even though Sadie was hurt (and it was so clear that she was blindsided by this), she would recover from this much easier than if she’d actually tied their lives together in the legally binding sense. But rational was far from Tom’s state of mind at the moment. He fought to keep his hands from shaking as they held onto hers. 

“You are enough,” he heard himself growl. He felt Sadie’s hands tense in his and he cursed his emotional response. God, she didn’t need this now. Tom cleared his throat, hoping to calm himself enough to speak rationally. To express himself in a way that wouldn’t scare her. “Sadie,” he started again, his voice even, “you are enough. And if  _ he _ can’t see that then it’s his loss. If he can’t look at you and know for certain that you are what he wants then it’s no one’s fault but his own.”

She blinked up at him. “Tom, I…”

Tom smiled softly at her as he brought her hands to his lips, kissing them gently before releasing them. He took a deep breath. “You might not feel it right now. But Sadie, to me you are enough. You’ve always been. You are smart and you are capable. You are brilliant and funny and warm. You are so many wonderful, amazing things.” He clasped his hands before him in his lap and smiled warmly at her. “You’ve become such an important part of my life. So much more than I will ever be able to say. And I know this is too soon and probably too much, and I probably shouldn’t be saying this at all but I want you to know…I want you to understand, that you are someone’s first choice. You are  _ my _ first choice, hands down. Every. Single. Time.” She opened her mouth to speak and he held up a hand to silence her. “Wait, please.” 

Confusion shone in her bright eyes as she stared at him in silence. After several moments she nodded silently.

“I want to know that you, just as you are, are enough.” He smiled softly at her before rushing on. “You are more than enough. And I don’t say this to force you into returning my feelings or to pressure you into something I know you are in no way ready for. I say this because I want you to know that no matter what you choose, you have me in your corner. I will love you as a friend or as more. That choice is yours and you have all the time in the world to decide what it is  _ you  _ want. Sadie, you have become one of my dearest friends. I value your opinion and your candor above all others. You are my friend and if that is all you need of me then I will gladly accept it. That would be enough for me.”

Tom watched the emotional swirl across her face. Confusion, uncertainty, disbelief, and just a fraction of hope. He took another slow breath and waited, knowing that whatever happened next, good or ill, he would bear and gladly if it meant she could have a moment’s peace. That would be enough. 


End file.
